fears

suzie, sorry to hear about your chronical pain, that must be a really hard thing. I hope it will get better.
I was yesterday by a friend of me, and he complained about me, that I am so bad mooded in the last time, that really hurt me.
posted some funny stuff at brittany daniel online. nice new photos of her available. I always get in good mood seeing her smile.
read a little camus tomorrow morning, and wrote some stuff for my cassirer blog. just need someoe to type them in. :)
have nothing planned for today. just want to have a lonely day and a normal one. still longing for deep thoughts.
have typed 100 pages in the pc and send them to dietmar my friend, he will try to publish them, but still no new news.
things I have to do: calling my insurance for some stuff. sorting my papers and letters. have delayed it all for two weeks! tomorrow. :)
fears everywhere.
now to zen: here a really funny zen story, it really delighted me, also I ma unkown in zen:
"when yakusan for the first time came to sekito(700-790) he asked him: "i have studied the three pitaka und the twelve abstracts of the buddha writings. but I have not the slightest idea of th enow in the south taught teaching, that goes straight to the spirit and tries to lead us through insight to the nature of buddhaship. can you teach me about that?" sekito answered: " saying yes is worthless, denying is worthless, saying yes-denying is worthless."
yakusan couldn´t understand that, so sekito gave him the advice to go to Baso. yakusan came to baso with the same question , that he asked sekito. baso answered:
" sometimes I heave my eyebrows, or twinker with the eyes. sometimes I do not do this. sometimes he feels very good when he heaves eyebrows and twinker . sometimes he feels very bad when he is doing that. "
this statement at once oppened the eyes of yakusan for the truth of zen. but he didn´t know how to express himself. he just bowed ( making a sign of admiration) in front of baso in admiration. baso said:" why that?" " when i was by sekito it was like a moskito is peeking an iron bull." that was all that yakusan could give as answer.